Waiting for Something to Change

Dear Amy,
I don’t know what to do? My boyfriend is an abusive, jealous, drug addict. He has been in and out of jail. I have been dealing with that the whole seven years we have together. He has even cheated on me. We have an open cps case. Our kids got taken away. And can’t get them back till we do our classes we need to do and stay clean. I am staying clean and doing what I need to do. And he has not done anything. And right now he is in jail facing two theft enhancement charges. I don’t know if to leave him or what so I can be happy and get my kids back. Or wait till whenever he gets out to see if he is changed. Right now while he is locked up he is still telling me stuff, and blaming me for everything.

Dear Waiting,

      Good for you for doing what you need to do for your kids. You and your kids deserve a happy, safe and stable life and it sounds like your boyfriend hasn’t even figured out how to do that for himself much less provide that kind of environment for you and your kids. There’s always a chance that he may change (though it doesn’t sound like it’s happened yet) but I would suggest not “waiting” to find out. Your kids need you. They need you to have a plan for how you’re going to parent them and for what’s going to happen when their dad is back in their lives. I would suggest talking with a counselor or an advocate (or both) and have them help you come up with a plan. If your boyfriend gets out and is a changed man, then you will have steps to follow on how to integrate him back into your lives. But if he doesn’t, you still have a responsibility to yourself and to your children to create a good, healthy life.

Stay strong and healthy.

Amy