Dear Amy,
I have a serious problem that I don’t know how to handle. I have fallen in love with my 29 year-old orchestra teacher and I’m only turning 13. I have no clue what to do. I know you may say it’s just a crush but i know it’s not. I get butterflies in my stomach just looking at him. I know it’s highly illegal for a minor to date a teacher but I really want to be with him. I know I can’t so right now all I really want is a kiss or hug or something for him to symbolize he cares about me. I love him and I don’t want him to get in trouble for something he didn’t do. Please help me. Dear Love, I’m not going to tell you this is just a crush. Your feelings are real and I don’t doubt that they’re overwhelming. But, I’m going to be honest with you. As a teacher, he cannot have any kind of inappropriate contact with you, including kissing and hugging. Teachers are held to a professional code of ethics that forbids them from having that kind of contact with their students. It’s intended to keep you (his students) safe from being taken advantage of, but it’s also intended to keep him (and other teachers) safe from making mistakes. The bottom line: Kissing you, hugging you or having any inappropriate contact with you could not only get him fired and/or arrested, but could make it impossible for him to teach ever again. If you care about your teacher, don’t put him in a position that might ruin his career and his life. It doesn’t have anything to do with his feelings or yours. It’s about following the rules and keeping everybody involved safe. Amy Dear Amy,
So I am young and my boyfriend isn't talking to me in school and hasn't been texting me lately. My first thought was that he was mad at me and he said he's not. Then I asked my friend who's in his class who said he hasn’t been talking to anyone today and kind of down. I asked him what's wrong and he said he was up late doing schoolwork and he was tired. I don't think that's the whole problem but he said it is. What should I do? Dear Worried, The best thing you can do is to give him some space but let him know that you care about him and are there for him if he needs to talk. Maybe he’s really just tired. Or maybe he’s got some stressful stuff happening at home. It’s hard to say for sure and if he’s not feeling like talking, you can’t force it out of him. Now, if you start to worry that he’s depressed and might harm himself, find an adult you trust to talk to right away. We all have bad days and sometimes our bad days are more like bad weeks or years. Be his friend. Let him know he can come to you if he needs you. Then give him a breather. When he tells you he’s not mad at you, believe him. When he’s ready to talk about how he’s feeling, he will. Or maybe he’ll work through whatever’s bothering him and things will get back to normal. Give him time. Amy Dear Amy,
I currently need some advice like fast. I'm a sophomore in high school and i am at school in the library, during lunch break, because i guess i don't have any friends anymore. I honestly don't know what to do, no one is talking to me. It all started because one of my friends (friend 1 ) was talking to me at lunch on tuesday about everything i ever did negative in our friendship like i acidently lost a few of her things, i understand my fault. But then she texts me during 6th period on tuesday about how their all tired of my " shit " so their not talking to me and i mean all of them. What do i do ? Please help. Dear Purgatory, That's what high school tends to be. Purgatory. You're not out in the "real world" yet but you get all the complications of a complex social scene. I'm sorry your friends are bailing on you and while I promise it won't last forever, I also was a high school girl once and it can be the pits! So you and friend 1 got in fight and now the whole crowd is taking sides? Here's the thing with high school girls. They all (we all...I was there once too) tend to be overly dramatic and very catty in the way we deal with one another. Part of this has to do with the way that girls relate to one another in general. Girls focus on the social pecking order. As females, we are tuned in to relationships and sometimes that's great. But it also means that we experiment. We want to see what kinds of reactions we can get out of others. Add all the pressures of being a teenager to the mix and high school is a perfect place for drama to unfold on a regular basis. You've seen it before right? If you look around you, there's a constant stream of drama. You may even find yourself right up in the middle of it. I remember taking sides. I remember getting so wrapped up in social situations that feel like the end of the world. I promise they're not, but I know it doesn't feel that way right now. So here's my advice to you (and this advice will serve you well in your adult life too). You CANNOT control how other people react or feel. Ever. The only thing you CAN control is how you react and feel. So make the decision right now to not be a part of the drama. Take responsibility for your actions but don't let your friends make you miserable. This week's drama will be replaced by next week's drama and if you make it perfectly clear that you are not going to get sucked into these shenanigans, they'll lose interest in the silent treatment and you'll find that things get easier. Take this time to think about you and how you want your life to be. As adults, we sometimes think we are powerless and it starts with situations like this. You are not powerless! You can decide how you are going to spend your time and who you will be spending it with. Hanging out in the library? Fine! Read about something you want to learn about. Think about a place you'd like to travel or something you'd like to do after high school. When they see that you're not bothered by their behavior, you'll see that the power has shifted back to you. Be patient. Be kind. And above all, be brave. Amy |
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