On the Fence

Dear Amy,
So a couple of years ago I dated this guy. He was sweet and at first I didn't really know why I was going out with him but then I realized I really like him and he was really shy when I was dating him. After a few months of dating he told me he loved me and I told him I loved him back but I was really confused and scared because no one has ever said that to me before. We broke up like a month later because I think we just grew apart? Or something. Anyway last year we started to talk and it was nice. Recently I realized that I like him and he told me that he never knew why we never talked after because we ended on good terms. The last time I talked to him we were at a party and he was really "happy" and "chill". He told me that he did some drug and that's why. I’ve got high like once or twice and I don't want to be hypocritical because my friends say I should stay clear of him because of the drug thing but I really like him ... What should I do?

Dear On the Fence,

     You take a calculated risk being in a relationship with someone who’s using drugs. First, there’s the legal complication. Unless it’s a legal drug, there’s always the chance of getting in trouble, even if the drugs aren’t yours so keep that in mind. But the thing that I would think about more carefully is why he uses drugs in the first place. Is he uncomfortable in social situations and took something to help calm him down? Does he use them all the time? Is he able to deal with and express his emotions without the drugs? Do they alter his behavior and personality? (the answer is probably yes, so the next question has to do with what happens when he’s not under the influence).
     I’m going to refrain from judgment about his drug use and simply say that you need to follow your instincts. A lot of people experiment with drugs. But a lot of people also abuse drugs. I don’t know where he stands, and the truth is, the decision is yours. You need to determine whether a relationship with this guy is going to be healthy for you or not. Think about it. Take your time. Don’t let anyone pressure you one way or the other. You’ll be the one who has to live with your choice so make it based on what you need and are willing to live with. (PS this advice applies to all things in life!). 

Amy