My boyfriend and I have been dating almost 8 months. He moved in with me in September. Everything has been wonderful until Friday night. I went to get on his phone because mine was dead and there was a message from some girl. All the messages had been erased except one saying that it doesn't make any sense you saying your happy with her but you wished you would have waited so when I asked about it he told me it was nothing but I feel like it is. Should I feel like I'm breaking on the inside or did my insecurities outweigh my rational side. I love him and don't want to lose him so how would I go about letting this go without causing distance and a potential break up.
Oh, the trouble cell phones cause. I really don’t think this is as bad as it seems. Nothing you saw seems to indicate anything other than a conversation that was going on. You have no context, but you also have no reason to suspect anything. Right? Texts are the most useful and yet destructive invention of the modern world (my opinion). When we text, we assume privacy where it doesn’t exist. Unlike a conversation in person, texts stick around. Had your boyfriend had this conversation, whatever it was, in person with this girl, you’d never have known about it and it never would have caused you a problem.
So, here’s the bottom line. You love your boyfriend. Everything is going great. There it is.
Let’s re-envision this text conversation as follows:
BF: I’m loving living here with her, but it’s hard getting used to living with someone. Maybe I should have waited.
Concerned Girl: It doesn’t make any sense, you saying you’re happy with her but you wished you would have waited.
BF: You’re right. I’m just being silly. Thank you concerned friend for setting my mind at ease.
Could it have gone that way? Imagine if the conversation were like that, your boyfriend just talking to one of his friends about his concerns (after all, moving in together is a big step). That happens all the time actually. We all do that, right? And when we talk to our friends, we don’t always say things the way we’d say them to our partner. I know I wouldn’t want my boyfriend reading my texts without context. When I talk to my friends, I feel free to say what’s on my mind. And I let my friends give me perspective…just like I’m doing for you now.
If your boyfriend tells you its nothing and he’s never given you a reason to doubt him, don’t start now. We spend way too much time making something out of nothing and technology really makes it so much more complicated. Focus on your great relationship with your loving boyfriend and let this one go.
Don't be shy! Say what's on your mind and get a good dose of perspective in return.