Amy Answers
  • Home
  • Answers
  • Articles
  • Resources
  • About Amy
  • Contact

Amy's Answers

Stuck in the Middle

2/2/2015

 
Dear Amy,
I became best friends with this girl my sophomore year of high school. She dated one of my best guy friends, B, and that didn't end well. He really hurt her and since she and I were together a lot I decided to stop being friends with him so that she wouldn't have to see him too much. She told me all the things that happened during the relationship and he had been a total jerk. Because of that I saw the bad in him and completely cut him off. I now know that wasn't the best choice. Now I'm in my senior year of high school and she is dating my only guy best friend. She likes to flirt a lot and she was friends with benefits with B, and my best friend, R, has a history of cheating. I know that if she breaks up with him and hurts him, I'll just lose her. But if he breaks up with her and hurts her, I'll stop being friends with him and resent her for contributing to the end of R's and my friendship. What should I do? I already told them I wasn't okay with their relationship.


Dear Stuck,

      You’re going to have to work on being Switzerland, neutral. It’s hard when friends date because it changes the dynamics of the whole social group. But you can’t keep ditching guy friends every time your friend breaks up with one…especially since she seems bent on dating within your social circle. It’s admirable of you to want to shield your friend from discomfort, but you’re sacrificing your own friendships and it doesn’t sound like they’re doing the same. See what I mean?
     My suggestion is to lay it out this way…”fine, if you guys are going to date, I want you to understand that if you break up, I’m staying friends with both of you. You may not talk badly about one another to me because you need to be considerate of my feelings.” Sound reasonable? In this way, you’re standing up for your right to have friends and you’re making it clear that you have boundaries. You’re entitled to your own feelings about your friends without having those feelings influenced by their feelings about each other.
     You can’t control their behavior, but you can certainly control your own so I suggest taking the focus off of them and putting it on you and what you need to be happy.

Amy

Comments are closed.

    Ask Amy

    Don't be shy! Say what's on your mind and get a good dose of perspective in return. 

    Archives

    October 2018
    September 2017
    July 2016
    October 2015
    September 2015
    June 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014

    Categories

    All
    Abusive Relationships
    Addiction
    Aging
    Alcoholism
    Blended Families
    Breakups
    Bullying
    Consent
    Culture
    Dating
    Divorce
    Drug Use
    Elder Abuse
    Family
    Flirting
    Friendship
    Friends With Benefits
    Grief
    Healthy Sexuality
    Identity Theft
    Infidelity
    Intimacy
    Jealousy
    Kids
    Loss Of Loved One
    Love
    Marriage
    Money
    Obsessive Thinking
    Parenting
    Peer Pressure
    Professional
    Relationships
    Safety
    School
    Self Esteem
    Self Image
    Sex
    Sexual Assault
    Sexual Harassment
    Siblings
    Spirituality
    Sports
    Technology
    Teenagers
    Verbal Abuse
    Work

    RSS Feed

Disclaimer: Though this site is intended for a wide range of ages, there may be some sexual content in some posts. Questions may be edited to make them more appropriate for a public audience. 
Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • Answers
  • Articles
  • Resources
  • About Amy
  • Contact