Sleeping Around

Dear Amy,
Well here it goes. I live next to this married lady and she is very sexy and she wants me to sleep with her and I really would like to but don’t know if I should. And here’s another one. I have an aunt that I want to sleep with. Should I? And I have a cousin that is very hot and I want to make love to her. I have for a long time.

Dear Sleeping,

      Whoa there. Ok, putting the woman next door aside for a moment, let me say that sleeping with either your aunt or your cousin would be wildly inappropriate, could be emotionally traumatic to you or them, AND would most likely cause problems for your whole family. Don’t do it.
     Ok, now let’s go back for a moment. I’m going to give you a few things to think about. I don’t know how old you are. If you’re a teenager, I could almost understand (hormones and all) wanting to sleep with everyone in sight. The answer, of course, is still no, wildly inappropriate. But hormones make us feel kind of crazy that way and learning about appropriateness is part of life.
     So, let’s say, hypothetically that you’re 40 or 20 or 50 or 85. As a healthy, sexually active adult, you “should” want relationships with people who are sort of similar to you age-wise, relationship-wise, etc. If you’d just been asking about the married woman, I’d ask you some questions. For instance, have you considered how your sexual relationship with the neighbor might affect her marriage, her family, her emotional well-being? I’m all for healthy, responsible sex but having sex with someone who’s married is already complicated and stressful and emotionally irresponsible so, it’s not advisable.
     That coupled with the fact that you want to have sex with two of your relatives has me concerned. That you’re asking me this question tells me that you might need to work on your own understanding of what is appropriate and possibly establishing boundaries for yourself. Talking with someone about healthy relationships and strategies for seeking those types of relationships could be really helpful.

Amy