I recently started seeing this guy, we've been dating for about 3 months. He is sweet and charming and we have great chemistry inside and outside the bedroom. We are both very adventurous sexually and comfortable with exploring the other's likes and dislikes. One night he invited me to join him and his friend at his friend's house for a movie night. When I arrived both him and his friend were very intoxicated and actively drinking. I myself don't enjoy drinking and chose not to join them in taking shots. Only 15 minutes into the night things became very uncomfortable for me. My boyfriend was being extremely affectionate in inappropriate ways in front of his friend. Even though I told him to stop he continued in making sexual advances towards me in front of his friend. I didn't want to start a fight so I played it off as much as I could and just kept pushing his hands away. When he began undressing me forcefully I said that I was done and left the house as quickly as I could. The next day he texted me as if nothing had happened and only when I brought it up did he apologize. I am still feeling upset and shaken up by the experience and am not sure how or if I should address it with him again. Should I let this go? If I should bring it up with him what should I say? He didn't physically hurt me but I feel taken advantage of. I need an outside perspective, please.
First, let me say that it is not at all surprising that you are still feeling shaken. Your boyfriend put you in an awkward and dangerous situation. When it comes to sex, consent is key and the second you said no and he continued the advance, he crossed a line.
So, there are two things that I want to bring up here. The first has to do with talking to him. Yes, you should most definitely bring this up again and I implore you to use this opportunity to draw a very clear boundary. Regardless of whether you are open to sexual exploration, no means no. In fact, it would be better to think of this in terms of “yes means yes.” Unless you are giving a clear and enthusiastic yes to his advances then he needs to stop and check in with you.
The second thing I want to bring up has to do with your emotional well-being. Bringing up previous openness to sexual exploration makes me think that you are feeling like you may have brought this on yourself. You didn’t. Period. Each time we have a sexual encounter with someone, it is its own unique experience requiring the same enthusiastic yes that every previous encounter had. In other words, just because you did it before doesn’t make it OK this time.
Talk to your boyfriend and maybe look into seeing a counselor, either on your own or as a couple (assuming you want to stay with your boyfriend). Make sure that your boyfriend understands that this behavior is unacceptable and will not happen again. Set firm boundaries. And then talk to a counselor. It sounds like you may need to talk this through in order to feel better. And you should, because you are important and your emotional well-being is worth protecting.
Don't be shy! Say what's on your mind and get a good dose of perspective in return.