Reasons for Reconnecting

Dear Amy,
     An ex of mine and I have been talking a lot lately. The break up for me was devastating and I couldn’t talk to him for 10 years. Bad thing is that he was still in my heart.
     Can I still be friends with him now but the feelings are there?

Dear Reconnecting,

     Anything is possible, but I can’t help but sense some trouble on the horizon. What it all really comes down to are your intentions. Do you want to be friends with him or are you hoping for more? If the answer is that you’re looking to get back together, then no, you probably can’t be friends with him without it getting super complicated.
     I’m wondering why the breakup was devastating? Is it possible that you’ve been lacking closure on that relationship and that reconnecting with him is bringing up feelings that haven’t been resolved for you? If so, again, I think things will get pretty complicated pretty fast.
     The truth is, its not uncommon or unusual even for people to reconnect many years later and it’s not impossible for you to be great friends. But the fact that your relationship ended in such emotional devastation that you couldn’t talk to him for a whole decade makes me wonder what it is you are hoping to get out of a friendship with him. Will it be healing or will it make things harder for you? What are his intentions? These are the things I would encourage you to consider as you move forward.

Amy