Peer Pressured

Dear Amy,
Okay. I really like this guy, my ex boyfriend & he likes me too. He doesn't even know why I broke up with him and he has been asking me out and telling me his feelings. He just recently asked me out and I have been avoiding the message but I know I can't avoid him cuz we will see each other all week. The problem is my "friends." I love them but the reason I kept breaking up with him is because of them. They always judge him, and our relationship. They tell me he is bad for me and that I am stupid for dating him. They talk about him all the time and they don't know they are the reason I did this. When we broke up they were so happy and started being really mean to him. They think I'm fine but I’m not. I would go out with him again, right now. But it's the pressure around the school. And coming from your friends it's a lot worse and it hurts. But I love him. And I really want to say yes. I get frustrated easily and I really don't want to cry because of this again in school where everyone can see. It's sucks. Please help.

Dear Pressured,

      ’d like to think that, as we get older, we learn not to butt into our friends lives but I know its not true. And being in school and in close quarters with people (even friends) who can apply absurd amounts of peer pressure makes standing on your own two feet hard at times. But you can’t let your friends bully you out of having the relationship you want. If they are really your friends, they will respect your decision regardless of how they feel.
     Now, having said that, I’m not going to pretend that peer pressure is no big deal. It is and I understand how hard it is to stand up to your friends. But if you don’t learn to do it now, they’re going to keep pushing you in directions you don’t want to go. They may not mean to be cruel, but in telling you how to live your life and refusing to let you make your own decisions in peace, they’re taking away your power. And right now, you’re letting them.
     So here’s my advice. If you want to date this guy, do it. If your friends give you a hard time, tell them that you love them for being concerned about you but that they need to back off. They need to treat you with respect and in order to make that happen, you’re going to have to insist that you are treated with respect. Be kind but firm with your friends. Maybe they have a point. Maybe he’s not a great match for you. But guess what? This is your life and as long as you make thoughtful decisions and treat other people with respect, you’ll do just fine.

Amy