I have been married over one year recently. The first week of my marriage my husband physically abused me and with me being out of work I lost everything that I owned before the marriage. He could not provide for me, we moved with his relatives and I found out that he was bipolar and schizophrenic. After the episode of him jumping on me for the third time after he said he would not touch me like that, I left and moved out the state back to my home town. I married my first love so I thought. He drinks a lot and he has done more than smoking weed. He wasn't willing to change at all. My experience has been hell. We talk and he is more hoping I will give in and come back. He is not what I want in a man. He's jealous and wants unusual attention. I'm so exhausted with the mood swings. On the other hand my ex boyfriend of 12/14years we spit up a year almost 2. To make a long story short he wants a relationship with me. Yes we have had a lot of problems as a couple... He's heart is good but I feel like he's pressuring me when I feel like I need to put more focus on me getting my life back together. It's confusing me, I need advice. My ex is telling me how much he loves me and want to support me and I believe him. But is it self motivated.
Please, please, please tell your ex-boyfriend you are not ready for another relationship. Listen, it sounds to me like you’re last few years have been a nightmare and its not unusual to want to cling to something that seems stable when we wake up from that nightmare, right? But you’re already telling me that your relationship with your ex-boyfriend isn’t great so that instinct that is telling you that you need to focus on getting your life back together...listen to that. Your body is telling you this isn’t the right thing. Don’t ignore your instincts! They are there to protect you.
I have a question for you: something to think about and if you want to contact me again, please do. Was there something traumatic that happened to you growing up? What I’m hearing in your letter, the rapid progression from one bad relationship to another, makes me want to tell you to take this opportunity to do some self-exploration. Find a good counselor and focus on yourself. I can tell from personal experience that the moment when you have that “OMG! There’s a pattern to my life” is a liberating time and when you identify the patterns and figure out how to recognize them and make different choices, its pretty much the most amazing thing. You’re whole life will change.
Bottom line, my advice is this: this is you time. Don’t take on a new relationship until you are ready and it feels right. If your ex-boyfriend really loves you, he’ll wait.
Don't be shy! Say what's on your mind and get a good dose of perspective in return.