Last year I had several separate incidents where authority figures crossed the line with me, harassment issues and an unwanted sexual encounter. I've been somewhat vocal about these incidents. I was honest about it. This has caused me to lose some casual friends. I've lost some credibility, sank into a depression, suffered nightmares, I moved because I didn't feel safe, I've developed trust issues. I could go on and on about the consequences that I've been dealing with, they seem to be endless. I thought that speaking up against these issues was the right thing to do. I've given up on trying to get people to believe me or to simply understand, they just don't. How do I move on from this with a little bit of dignity?
Dear Moving Forward,
You showed immense courage in being open and honest about the things that have happened to you and it is shameful, though not entirely unpredictable, that you are being met with less than the respect that you deserve. We (the collective we) have a hard time understanding the complexities of sexual harassment and sexual assault. You only have to turn on the news to see a culture full of victim blaming and inappropriateness when it comes to matters of sex, intimacy and consent. And sometimes our friends and family don’t know what to say and lean toward avoidance. I’m sorry that this has happened to you and I understand your wish to move forward with dignity.
Luckily, dignity is a feeling of one’s own self-worth, and while I’m sure those feelings have been tested, take solace in the fact that dignity comes from within and can be reclaimed. Recognize the strength that you showed in coming forward and telling someone what happened to you. The vast majority of sexual assault victims will never tell their story but in telling yours, you have taken a huge step toward regaining control over your life and your body.
The anxiety, nightmares and lack of trust you are experiencing are normal reactions to the experiences you’ve described and I cannot stress enough the importance of seeking professional help in dealing with these ongoing issues. Find a local counselor or call your local rape crisis center and ask them for a referral. And give yourself time. Trauma does not heal overnight, especially emotional trauma.
Turn to the friends that have supported you through this and let them continue to support you. While you may have lost some friends, the reality is that those people have shown you their true value as friends. The people who have stuck with you know that you are worthy. They will help you find your dignity in the moments when you feel it is beyond your grasp.
You've come to me looking for perspective, and here it is. You continue to reach out and to speak out which tells me that you want to heal…and so you will. Seek help. Hold fast to your friends. And insist that your boundaries are respected. You can overcome this.
Don't be shy! Say what's on your mind and get a good dose of perspective in return.