I have spent my high school years and now college relegated to the ‘friend-zone’. I just seem to be the one all the girls feel they can open up to because I am a nice guy. They all complain about finding a nice guy, but they still go out with guys that treat them like crap. Every time I suggest myself, they regard it like it is a joke or say they couldn’t in such a way that sounds like I have the plague. I am great to hear their problems, but not worthy of even a chance of romantic connection. What can I do to do to break this cycle?
Dear Just A Friend,
Nothing wrong with being a friend, right? So, tell me....what are your intentions. When it comes to women, are you generally in it for friendship or for more? If you start out as friends, and you are a good and valued friend, it's not surprising that she maybe doesn't want to lose that connection. On the other hand, if she knows you want more right from the start, she may not let you in. It's a conundrum.
What concerns me most about your question is the phrasing. The way you say you've been "friend-zoned" leads me to believe that your intentions are either not clear in your mind or that you aren't being completely honest with said women. I don't mean to be harsh. You sound like a very nice guy. But you are feeling used and I want you consider that you're partly to blame. Women are not mind-readers any more than men are, and we crave friendship. We want to have someone listen to us and understand us AND we've been trained to see friendship and romance as somewhat incompatible. Mutually exclusive terms really. Fair? Of course not. Not fair for us or for you.
My advice to you is pretty simple. Know your intentions and state them clearly. If you say, "I'm looking for someone to date/love/cuddle with, etc. right up front, you may get what you want. Or, you may end up alone, but at least you won't have to be the good and patient listener for a girl you want as more than just a friend. The key here is to change things up a bit. You know what doesn't get the result you want, so change the way you approach these relationships and see what happens.
Last...and I mean this...be patient. Being friends is a great basis for a relationship. Maybe these particular girls just weren't worthy of you. (Or maybe they'll just be life-long friends...and that's good too).
Don't be shy! Say what's on your mind and get a good dose of perspective in return.