It's Complicated

Dear Amy,
I have known a man for 10 years. We have been friends, lovers, shoulder for support. The other night he told me he’s always wanted me. Well I have always wanted him. He is involved with someone that works for his business. He says for business reasons this it what it has to be for now. I have a feeling his silent partner is related to her and does not want to lose that partner. His relationship with her is unfulfilling...Any Ideas?

Dear Complicated,

     You may have to be patient. It sounds like you’ve been close for a long time so maybe waiting isn’t going to be as hard as it sounds. Here’s what I’d suggest. Be honest with him about how you feel and what you want. And then let him know that you understand things are complicated. Ultimately, he’s going to have to let the other person go if he wants to be with you in a way that will not cause undo drama in either of your lives.
     Mixing relationships with business is really tricky. Regardless  of his feelings for her or for you, it would be a good idea for him to establish some firm boundaries. Given that he’s clearly feeling some pressure not to the rock the boat, the relationship he’s in with the other woman already sounds like a bad idea. If he’s worried about leaving her now, its not going to get any easier with time…especially if her feelings for him are stronger than his feelings for her. You know what I mean? If he were asking me this question, I would tell him to suck it up and end it with the other woman simply because its an unfulfilling relationship that complicates his work situation significantly.
     But for you, I would suggest patience. Be his friend as long as it’s healthy for you. Don’t let him string you along forever, but for now, if it’s comfortable, maybe just wait and see what happens. Maybe knowing how you feel about him will be the motivation he needs to figure out how to end the other relationship. And if he doesn’t, then focus on the friendship and make sure your emotional needs are being met. 

Amy