Amy Answers
  • Home
  • Answers
  • Articles
  • Resources
  • About Amy
  • Contact

Amy's Answers

I Changed My Mind

10/20/2014

 
Dear Amy,
I have been seeing this guy for about a month and we had not had sex until last night. I have intimacy issues due to a past relationship and I was not ready for intercourse. Last night we were at his house and things were progressing toward intercourse and I expressed that I was not ready and wanted to stop. At this point we were both mostly undressed when I changed my mind and told him to stop. He complained to me that it wasn't fair to go this far and tell him to stop. He continued to guilt me and persuade me  to continue and I regretfully let him. After he was finished I began to cry and went to the bathroom. I mildly gained my composure and got dressed. He seemed irritated that I was upset and did not ask me if I was ok. I left with an awkward goodbye because I wasn't sure what to do. As of tonight he has not called or texted. I am so lost about what to do or where to go from here. Help please!



Dear Changed,  

     What happened to you was not ok and I'm going to be very honest with you. In the best light, it was disrespectful and lacking empathy. In the worst light, I think you could view this as an attack. Sexual assault is complex and more subtle than people usually think. It involves coercion and using manipulation and guilt to get sex counts. Everyone…wait, let me say that again….EVERYONE has the right to refuse to have sex AT ANY TIME during a sexual encounter. That means that even if you are in the middle of intercourse and you decide you are done, you are completely within your rights to stop and to expect that your partner will respect your decision.
     The fact that this guy was not sympathetic to your tears tells me that he does not get it. And the fact that he hasn’t contacted you should be the final kick in the pants you need to run fast in the opposite direction.
     So, let’s talk about you. I would like you to consider talking with a counselor (your local rape crisis center can refer you to someone who knows what you've been through). You may find that you are able to move forward with ease, or you may struggle. If you struggle, don’t wait to get help. What happened to you was not your fault and the fact that you are reaching out to me shows me that you might benefit from talking to someone who can help you sort through your feelings. Take care of yourself and know that your wishes deserve respect.

Amy

Comments are closed.

    Ask Amy

    Don't be shy! Say what's on your mind and get a good dose of perspective in return. 

    Archives

    October 2018
    September 2017
    July 2016
    October 2015
    September 2015
    June 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014

    Categories

    All
    Abusive Relationships
    Addiction
    Aging
    Alcoholism
    Blended Families
    Breakups
    Bullying
    Consent
    Culture
    Dating
    Divorce
    Drug Use
    Elder Abuse
    Family
    Flirting
    Friendship
    Friends With Benefits
    Grief
    Healthy Sexuality
    Identity Theft
    Infidelity
    Intimacy
    Jealousy
    Kids
    Loss Of Loved One
    Love
    Marriage
    Money
    Obsessive Thinking
    Parenting
    Peer Pressure
    Professional
    Relationships
    Safety
    School
    Self Esteem
    Self Image
    Sex
    Sexual Assault
    Sexual Harassment
    Siblings
    Spirituality
    Sports
    Technology
    Teenagers
    Verbal Abuse
    Work

    RSS Feed

Disclaimer: Though this site is intended for a wide range of ages, there may be some sexual content in some posts. Questions may be edited to make them more appropriate for a public audience. 
Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • Answers
  • Articles
  • Resources
  • About Amy
  • Contact