Held Hostage By Stuff

Dear Amy,
My ex and I broke up in July he still has not gotten all of his belongings is he doing this to keep a connection to me?

Dear Hostage, 

     It could be that your ex is trying to keep a connection with you. Are you still friends? Has he been putting off getting the stuff or “forgetting?” It also could be that he feels too awkward about the breakup, he avoids confrontation or he’s just plain lazy. Whatever the reason, my advice to you is the same. Give him a deadline.
     Muster up your kindest most compassionate tone and let him know very plainly that if he doesn’t get his stuff by Friday or a week from Tuesday or the end of the month (whatever works for you) that you’re going to throw it out. You don’t have to be mean but you do have to mean what you say.
     So, are we talking a toothbrush and a shirt or two, or do his belongings include furniture, sports equipment or other big ticket items? Either way, put them in a box or pile them next to your front door so you’ll be super motivated to get them out of the way. When (if) he comes to get them, help him load them up. Don’t bring up the fact that he’s been putting this off for months. Just thank him for helping you take care of this issue and wish him well.
     If he still doesn’t come for his stuff, get rid of it. Toss it in the dumpster. Take it to a thrift shop. Have a garage sale and make a little extra holiday money. Whatever you decide to do, if he doesn’t claim his things they become your things and you can do whatever you want with them, including throwing them away. If it’s a lot of stuff, call your local thrift shop and see if they’ll pick it up. The bottom line is that you guys are done and its not helping anyone move on to have this stuff lingering. Don’t worry too much about his reasoning. Take action! Reclaim your space!

Amy