Friends or More?

Dear Amy,
I need to know how to handle a friend (living with me and having casual sex and tells me he loves me) that likes to text other girls he claims are his friends constantly? And when I question him about it he gets mad? How do i handle this?

Dear Friend,

     I think perhaps you and your friend have different expectations in your relationship. Your question calls him a “friend” and mentions “casual sex.” Given these definitions, I’d say that it probably baffles your friend that you even ask him about the girls he texts. For him, there may be nothing inconsistent about his behavior. You are friends. Check. You have sex. Check, check. And he loves you. Check. I can imagine him thinking “What’s the problem here?’’
     My guess is that the problem lies in your expectations. It sounds to me like you want to be more than friends. Is that true? If not, than why would it matter that he’s texting other girls? And it’s a tricky situation you’re in. If you have been friends for a long time and now you want more, your relationship is going to change one way or another. If he wants more too, maybe you’ll end up in an exclusive, intimate relationship. However, if he doesn’t want that….say, that’s not what he signed up for and he’s not interested…you run the risk of losing the friendship.
     So, how to handle things is really up to you. If you want to keep things the way they are, you’re going to have to work on your own expectations. You can’t have a drama-free, casual-sex having friendship if you’re not both on the same page. If you’re not “together” than you really don’t have much ground to stand on in expecting him not to text other girls. Know what I mean?
     Life is full of these messy, awkward, hard truths. The fact that you’re already living together and having sex is going to make it complicated if you’re at cross-purposes for where the relationship is headed. So I would suggest taking a moment to think about what you want. Whatever direction you head, you will have to deal with the consequences so make sure you’ve taken time to consider the options and what you stand to gain or lose by making the decisions you make.
     Relationships are ridiculously convoluted no matter what it looks like so be confident in your choices and know that life goes on. 

Amy