Amy Answers
  • Home
  • Answers
  • Articles
  • Resources
  • About Amy
  • Contact

Amy's Answers

Focus on the Positive, Address the Negative

1/1/2015

 
Dear Amy,
Me and my ex want to get back together. But we don't know when or if we even will. Our relationship ended horribly, but he still had feelings for me and I still had feelings for him. But the reason we broke up was because he wasn't independent and didn't show any affection in public and I compared our relationship too often and I didn't appreciate what he did.


Dear Focus,

      Are you sure you want to get back together? Have things changed? Have you talked about how things will different this time? If you want to get back together, you’re going to need to address the things that broke you up head-on and find ways to work past those issues should they arise again. For instance, is he more independent now? Because if he’s not, that’s probably going to be an instant source of resentment for you. Same goes with the public displays of affection. If you’re thinking has changed then maybe it will work out, but past transgressions have a way of rearing their ugly heads. You are both carrying a lot of baggage from your previous relationship and you can’t just ignore it if you want to move on together.
     So two things, it sounds like you had some pretty specific feelings about his past behaviors and you’ll need to figure out to deal with those things now. Have you asked him about the public affection ban? Understanding why he feels that way might make it easier for you to cope. And establishing boundaries might help with the problem of independence. Then, when it comes to you, it sounds like he was feeling unappreciated. Recognizing when he’s making an effort and letting him you know you appreciate it is going to be essential in starting anew.
     And we all get stuck now and again in comparison mode, but you have to try hard to get out of that habit. Comparing never ends well. Every relationship is unique with its own set of people, dynamics and circumstances. It’s important to realize that someone else’s way of doing things won’t necessarily work for you, especially if it doesn’t come naturally. Consider whether you’re comparing because you’re unhappy with the situation or if you’re unhappy with your partner. If your discontent lies in something that is fundamental to you partner’s personality, chances are, its not going to change.
     Bottom line: talk. Be open and honest. Your chances are vastly improved if you start out from a place of solid communication and mutual acceptance.

Amy

Comments are closed.

    Ask Amy

    Don't be shy! Say what's on your mind and get a good dose of perspective in return. 

    Archives

    October 2018
    September 2017
    July 2016
    October 2015
    September 2015
    June 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014

    Categories

    All
    Abusive Relationships
    Addiction
    Aging
    Alcoholism
    Blended Families
    Breakups
    Bullying
    Consent
    Culture
    Dating
    Divorce
    Drug Use
    Elder Abuse
    Family
    Flirting
    Friendship
    Friends With Benefits
    Grief
    Healthy Sexuality
    Identity Theft
    Infidelity
    Intimacy
    Jealousy
    Kids
    Loss Of Loved One
    Love
    Marriage
    Money
    Obsessive Thinking
    Parenting
    Peer Pressure
    Professional
    Relationships
    Safety
    School
    Self Esteem
    Self Image
    Sex
    Sexual Assault
    Sexual Harassment
    Siblings
    Spirituality
    Sports
    Technology
    Teenagers
    Verbal Abuse
    Work

    RSS Feed

Disclaimer: Though this site is intended for a wide range of ages, there may be some sexual content in some posts. Questions may be edited to make them more appropriate for a public audience. 
Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • Answers
  • Articles
  • Resources
  • About Amy
  • Contact