Feeling Desperate

Dear Amy,
Ok, so my question does have something to do with a relationship and I do love her, but it's a friend not like a love relationship question. I am 12 years old and I have a friend who is 14, she is one of my best friends and I look to her as a big sister, but I feel desperate for her attention and I don't know how to get away from that. I love her like a sister and when I'm like on the phone with her or something and people ask who I’m talking to, I say my sister. She gives me advice when I need it, but she never talks to me without me talking to her first, I don’t know what to do to not be so desperate. Please help?!?!

Dear Desperate,

      Believe me, friendships are every bit as complicated as any other relationship. I think there are a lot of people who’ve felt the way that you do, including me, and here’s what I’ve learned. When we have really strong emotions about another person, even if its just friendly love, it can get really confused in our minds. And it usually has more to do with us than with the relationship itself. When I feel desperate for someone else’s attention, it’s usually because I’m feeling lonely or I’m feeling down about something going on in my life. The attention from that person makes me feel good so I start to crave it. Does that sound familiar?
     What I suggest is taking some time to think about yourself. How are you doing? What’s going on in your life…the good and the bad? What makes you happy? What are you good at? Here’s the thing – if you’re focusing on yourself…doing things that make you happy, developing your talents, taking care of yourself…you’ll begin to feel less needy of someone else’s attention and then you’ll feel better about having her attention to begin with. Does that make sense? What I would guess form reading your question is that you’re worried that your need to talk to your friend is going to push her away or somehow hurt your relationship with her. The best way I know to fix that is to refocus on yourself and work on making sure that you are as happy and healthy as you can be.

Hope this helps.

Amy