Experimental

Dear Amy,
First of all let me say sorry for my bad spelling...We are married for 13 years but have been together for 19. We still love the other but our sex life is as much fun as pulling teeth. I am the husband. I’m straight but I love anal sex. My wife walked in on me once and was not happy. She says she is not into what I’m into. I still play solo. How can I get her to join in with me. We both are in our early 40s.

Dear Experimental,

      Part of being in a healthy relationship (married or not) and being a respectful sexual partner is learning to take no for an answer. So, the answer to your question is simple. You can ask your wife to join you. If she says no, that’s it. You may feel disappointed but maybe there are other things she is willing to try with you to spice things up. Either way, if she’s not into the things you’re into, you need to let it go. There’s nothing wrong with going solo as long as it’s not causing problems in your relationship. If you continue having problems, I’d suggest finding a counselor to talk to…someone who can help you guys find some common ground when it comes to sex.
     And one little hint…for women, intimacy is often associated in our minds with non-sexual things. Do you spend quality alone time together? Do you help her around the house? Do you guys have date nights? It may sound crazy, but you might find that looking for non-sexual ways to connect with your wife may actually improve your sex life too. 

Amy