Enthusiastic In Love

Dear Amy,
I am in a four-month relationship. I am with a woman who I adore and have a lot of fun with. She talks about the future with me. I get thrown off guard a little bit. She isn't always responsive. So I am thinking maybe I need to tone it down the compliments, the I love you's etc. I have a lot of enthusiasm about her but she is much more reserved. What am I dealing with here? We are in our fifties Dont know if that matters.

Dear Enthusiastic,

      No matter your age, I think the best policy in any relationship is to be yourself. It sounds like you have a good relationship and that she’s open to a future with you. And I think you’re making assumptions about why she might be reserved or occasionally unresponsive that may not be correct. Maybe her personality tends to be more reserved than yours. Or maybe past relationships and experiences have made her cautious. Either way, understanding her better will go a long way toward easing your fears.
     Whatever her reasons for being reserved, you should be careful about making changes in your behavior without truly understanding her reactions. If the relationship is going to work out, it should be based on the both of you being comfortable behaving in ways that make you feel like you’re being true to yourselves. I certainly sympathize. My significant other and I are much the same. I’m the exuberant one and he’s the reserved, private one. Sometimes the mixed signals lead to conflict and I think its safe to say that we resolve those conflicts best when we just face them head on. We talk, even if it’s a little uncomfortable at first, and I would suggest that you do the same.
     So, basically, my advice to you is to talk with your girlfriend. Tell her that you’re interested in her feelings and that you want to make sure that you’re not going too overboard. If she asks you to tone it down, then you’ll have a good reason to do so. But most likely, if she’s enjoyed being with you this long, your enthusiasm is probably part of what she likes and she’ll tell you that. Work together. Talk together. And have faith that she likes you just the way you are.

Amy