Disappointed

Dear Amy,
I have been with my husband for 26 years. I have never had a worry in the world of him cheating in all these years. This past year I had a neighbor and found out she gave him oral sex only once. They claim I really don't know. I forgave him. Then here we are 8 months later and I found an SD card by my couch. When I look at it I'm shocked to see that it's my friend and her husband. I confronted him, he lied and said he knew nothing but a picture of his mothers house is on the SD card as well.  No one knows these people but me and him. I don't know what to do. I feel he's just going to keep doing this to me and doesn't want to talk about anything.

Dear Disappointed,

      Here’s the thing. You’re probably not ever going to know for sure what’s been going on. I understand your frustration, though, and I think what you have to consider is what you need in order to live a happy healthy life. Obviously you want a husband who is faithful, but also one who communicates, right? And the truth is that you’re the only one who’s going to make sure you get those things. You need to set boundaries and then be willing to change your life in order to make sure those boundaries are being respected.
     Talk to your husband about how his behavior is affecting you, including his unwillingness to talk about it. And then decide what you’re willing to live with. It’s really unfair and unfortunate that you’re in this situation, but you can start working on fixing it by focusing on what you need from your relationship.

Amy