Dealing with Baggage

Dear Amy,
My girlfriend has been hurt badly emotionally in the past by her ex husband. Now she is to afraid to get close to anyone. Every time she starts to get emotionally close to anyone including me she backs off and pushes them away. How can I help her fix this problem?

Dear Dealing,

      We carry so much baggage from one relationship to the next. The best thing (and maybe the only truly effective thing) you can do for your girlfriend is to be patient and supportive. Let her know that you understand she’s been hurt and you want to be there for her (but also give her space when she needs it). Rebuilding trust after you’ve been hurt is a slow and somewhat painful process. The more you show her that you’re not going to react in the same ways her ex did, the more she’ll begin to trust you.
     You can’t fix this for her. But you can be there for her. You can listen when she says she needs time to think. You can remind her that even though she needs space, you’ll be there for her when she’s ready. If you can do those things, she’ll start to heal and to learn to trust you. And the more you communicate, the more you’ll understand her needs and she’ll understand yours.

Hang in there.

Amy