Confounded

Dear Amy,
I've been with a woman for the past 3 1/2 yrs & I've found myself so in love w her that it's gotten down right unhealthy in every way! I'm 40 & she's 32 & she's not a butch or anything like that but she is very tomboy. She's got a x-husband & a daughter that turned 13yesterday but she's always, at least since the age of 16 when she fully came out, has been WAY more into women & always told me that at times she thinks she may like a guy, especially when alcohols involved, but when they have sex it totally turns her off. Even to the point that she told me one guy, during sex, looked at her & said.. You don't even like this do you?! Therefore she's painted this picture for me of pretty much anti-guy! She's extremely jealous & for reasons beyond my comprehension, cheated on me w 5 of my (or so I thought) really good guy friends! Wth is going on here? She's obviously trying to get at me cause I've slept w a couple of these guys in the past, not cheating on her, all though I'm constantly accused of it! She's got to like penis somehow, right!?!

Dear Confounded,

      So, I’m going to go out on a very short limb here and say that what’s going on has little (or probably nothing) to do with sexual orientation or preference. If I were sitting across the table from you, I’d probably suggest that your girlfriend has some serious trust issues…maybe even some childhood trauma. Her cheating on you with no less than five of your friends is a sign that things are not in a healthy space (of course, you knew that already right so no surprise there). I would recommend having a heart to heart with your girlfriend. Regardless of your feelings for her, It’s not fair to you for her to treat you this way. You guys need to talk, a lot, about what kind of behavior is acceptable in your relationship. It doesn’t really matter what her sexual preferences are. The bottom line is, if she’s in a relationship with you and your expectations are that she be monogamous, you need to state that clearly and make sure she knows you won’t be ok if she doesn’t stand by her word.
     I know I’m going to sound like a broken record here but consider counseling, if not together than by yourself.  

Believe me, this is not about penis.

Amy