I just need to know if I am crazy but when a man takes his phone to the bathroom an takes it with him when he showers keeps it locked up an freaks out if you need to use it. His computer the same way I have to go to my sons to use his computer when mine was down and there is a computer setting in my bedroom that can't be normal he's says I'm over reacting that I'm crazy are jealous that he's completely innocent. HELP!
No, you’re not crazy. There’s the simple answer.
So, in this age of laptops, smart phones and other digital devices, we certainly have issues with privacy. I do believe that people shouldn’t have full access to everyone else’s stuff because if you start looking for something, you’re bound to find it. Or worse. So, there’s this part of me that wonders if he’s cutting off your access because you’ve snooped in the past? Have you? Believe me, I know a whole lot of snoopers and have been one myself which, I can tell you, is always a symptom of something wrong with your relationship (something that needs work or something that is just broken, it depends).
If you have not snooped in the past, then his behavior is incredibly suspect. It could be that he had a snooping ex and he’s still gun shy. It could be that he’s just an extremely private person and he’s a little obsessive about protecting his privacy. OR it could be that he’s hiding something from you. Ok, so here’s the rub. Even if you HAVE snooped in the past, his behavior is indicative of something that needs to be fixed. If he doesn’t trust you enough to let you onto the computer in the bedroom that you share then there is a problem. I’m sorry to say it but if there is nothing to find on that computer, there’s no reason not to let you use it.
When it comes to the phone, I’m a little more forgiving. I have conversations with my friends all the time that include venting and sometimes I say things that I think better of once I’ve had a chance to calm down. Would I want just anyone reading through those things, no. I want my private thoughts to be my own and when I talk to my friends, I want those words to stay just between us. Texting has created a whole chain of evidence on conversations that would otherwise have not been recorded. It’s an unfortunate side effect of living in the digital age. Our words stay around much longer than we mean them to and it makes casual conversations take on a whole different relevance in our lives.
Note on the subject of texting: once you send it, you’ve lost control of it. Will it be spread around, forwarded, used against you in the next argument? Who knows. Think before you text.
Ok, back to your boyfriend. Clearly a talk is in order here. Not knowing the details of your relationship with him, it’s hard to know whether his behavior has some grounding in past events. Nonetheless, whether it’s a trust / privacy issue or he’s actually hiding something from you, its important that you talk about the issue now. If you’re sharing a house and a life, you should be able to share a computer. If the computer contains all sorts of important work documents and that’s why he’s nervous about letting you use it, fine. Have the talk. If the computer is full of pornography that he’s afraid you’ll see, that’s a whole different issue and one that needs to be addressed. If he’s regularly chatting up the girl next door and is afraid you’ll find out, then yes, you’ve got a problem.
See what I mean? Either way, the situation calls for a good discussion. You’re reacting to his obvious desire to keep you out of his personal space and considering that you seem to be living together, that’s an issue worth talking about.
Don't be shy! Say what's on your mind and get a good dose of perspective in return.