A Case of Nerves

Dear Amy,
I have been dating a man for over a year now and we are definitely in love! He is such a great and loving guy! He adores my daughter and she loves him as well! But our relationship is currently at a stand still! Here's the thing, we live 1,000 miles apart! We met online but we instantly hit it off! We've only visited each other a total of 6 times but we speak via text phone and FaceTime everyday! We both know that the other is who we want! We also both know that in order for this to work someone has to make the big move! He has asked me to move to where he is because he has received a great career opportunity, but I just can't bring myself to do it while my left ring finger is still bare! I have so much to leave behind, and I'm definitely worried about how my 4 year old would respond to a new environment! He's stated that he would not have me move there if he wasn't planning to marry me! Am I crazy for wanting this man to propose to me first? Should I make the move first then wait for the ring to follow, as he assures it will? I love him and I cannot imagine life without him, but I also can't see myself making that big of a move without at least being engaged! Am I being unreasonable?
 
Dear Nerves,
 
     I can completely relate to your situation. I went through something very similar last year. Choosing to move away from your support system is always hard and I think we find ourselves looking for a guarantee. But there isn’t one. Whether he puts the ring on your finger now or later, there’s no guarantee that things will work out. And there’s no reason to think that they won’t. Life is about making the best decisions we can with the information we’ve got. If you move, you and your daughter will both go through a period of adjustment and it may not always be easy. Sometimes we take risks and bad things happen. But if you aren’t willing to take any risks, nothing happens.
      Here’s what I would suggest. If the financial situation is better where he lives, start planning a move. But make sure that your plans are not contingent on the relationship. As a mother, no matter who is in your life, your focus will always be on taking care of your daughter. There’s no reason this decision has to be any different. Take your time. Research the new town, the schools, the playgrounds. Use Meetup.com or Facebook groups to reach out and start making friends early. Move over but not necessarily in. It’s not unreasonable to move to town but keep your own apartment until you’re sure things are going to work out. Figure out how you’ll stay connected with your support system back home.
      This doesn’t have to be scary and you don’t need a ring to make a decision that will be good for you, your daughter and your fellow. Just make this move about YOU and not about the relationship. That way, no matter what happens, you’ll feel secure in the decisions you’ve made. 

Amy